Remember, we’re talking inexpensive and no stress, right?
Ok – let’s say that you are getting married in a church and using their big room for the reception. Or maybe you are getting married in a school building and using their gym – why not? You just need a space that has space. You are inviting everyone you know because you are not doing it expensively – rather you are doing it inclusively so that people can all be there.
Here’s a thought: Have the wedding at 2 pm and provide excellent, most excellent desserts and NO meal. You can probably feed 200 people for around $100. (Really?)
On the morning of the wedding, have about four people go to the grocery store and buy up whatever flowers you like. http://www.giantfoodstores.com//shareddev/greatent/index.html?cat_id=300 Seriously! If you decide that you will be happy with whatever flowers are available on that date, you can cut out a lot of stress. The bride can even run in there and point to what she likes, and the others can buy them, take them to the church, stick them in vases, and tie some together with ribbon (note: buy ribbon and vases beforehand!) for the girls and the bride to carry. A dozen red roses would look nice. They only have to last one day. Or you could buy silk ones a couple days before.
So, while you are at the grocery store, buy enough desserts to feed everybody. http://www.giantfoodstores.com//shareddev/greatent/index.html?cat_id=290 Cakes, pies, pastries, whatever. Spread them out on trays at the reception, and don’t forget some fruit as well. You’ll need about 4 people to deal with the food too. If you can be happy with whatever is available on that day, then it’ll work for you. If you want, you can contact the store ahead of time and have them package it all up for you.
Make sure you hire a few people to handle the serving and the clean up too.
Ok – so these are pretty radical ideas, overall. Maybe one of them will appeal to you if not all.
The point is: it isn’t required or necessary to spend months and months going crazy just to get married. And the money would be better spent on a downpayment on a house than on an expensive wedding. Watch the movie “Amazing Grace” http://www.amazinggracemovie.com/ and see how pretty the bride was, and “Emma” http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116191/also. Today things have just gotten crazy. You don’t have to conform!
Ok, you just got engaged and decided that you want to get married on September 3, 2011. Great!
1. First you need someone to perform the service and a place to have it. Don’t have it outdoors. Why spend all that time worrying about the weather and the insects? If you have a place of worship, use it, and oftentimes they will have a room where you can have the reception too. Voila! You are all set. If you don’t have one, then you need to be more creative: people use restaurants, homes, even school buildings or VFW halls. Get those two items set. And go someplace where you can bring in food.
2. Clothing: Ok – groom: buy a great black suit. You’re going to need one anyway, so go for it. Shirt, fancy bow tie, you’re done. Ask your attendants to buy black suits also – at least they’ll get to keep it and you won’t have all the fittings and junk to go through. Bride: get together with your girls and check out Chadwick’s online http://www.chadwicks.com/chadwicks/browse/subCategory.jsp?icCategory=cat40338&icSort=
and a few other “regular dress” makers. Order something that’s pretty and reasonable ($50 isn’t unheard of) that they can use again. They’ll be gorgeous, believe me, once they are carrying the flowers and all made up with their hair done.
Bride: you can do what you want to do. Stop in at David’s Bridal for their $99 gown sale http://www.davidsbridal.com/HomeView or check out the Thrift Store http://impactthrift.org/ or Craig’s List http://philadelphia.craigslist.org/search/clo?query=wedding&srchType=A&minAsk=&maxAsk= for a less expensive one. Or why not just buy a nice white dress or suit and wear that instead? Don’t think “thousands” or even “hundreds.” Think instead: what will I look good in without spending a lot of cash for a one-day outfit?
Ah, but you only get married once, right? And it has to be perfect, right? How about trading that concept for 4 months of perfectly stress-free time with your fiancee/fiance instead, and go with “really great” instead of perfect?
4. Make your own invitations, or order them, whichever you choose, and get them out to people about a month before the wedding. One evening you have everyone over and you all address envelopes – you’re done.
5. Ok – you’re really pretty much done now. What? Let’s talk about flowers and food and photographer next time.
“Oh, Mom, you should have seen it, it was so cool! We came out of the hotel and there was a white horse and carriage waiting for us and it took us to the beach, and we stood there and took our vows.”
Somehow there was a little sadness in Carrie’s voice. All she and Brad had wanted was a destination wedding, but when it really took place, there was hardly anyone there to share the occasion with them. Nobody saw the gown. Nobody heard the vows. Nobody laughed at the missteps. Nobody threw rice or whatever is acceptable to throw these days. Nobody prayed the Lord’s Prayer with them.
Here is the problem: Weddings are NOT just for the couple, folks. They are a family and friends occasion. Your grandmother and aunt took care of you when you were little and your siblings loved you and were there for all your special times and so were certain other people who have known you all of your life. And now, on the most special occasion of your life, you cut them out. It leaves them feeling sad.
That’s what destination weddings are: cutting out the family and friends to just go and do it yourself somewhere.
I suppose it’s just a new way to look at weddings: it’s just about “us” and that’s all. Maybe I’m too old to not feel left out.
You say they are invited? Is it really an option for them to spend the money to come?
I am just saying to think about it. Some are doing it because it is “cheaper” than the big weddings in the neighborhood and some are doing it because it seems all romantic. Some don’t want the fuss of all the plans.
Well, you don’t have to have all the fuss and expense in order to get married locally. And you can have your Aunt Bertha and your little brother and your neighbor who has known you all of your life there, too.
Then go to your “destination” for your honeymoon – by yourselves. (Do you really want to run into relatives on your honeymoon in Cancun?)
So, about these inexpensive plans…. next time.
Did you know they refer to it as “the wedding industry?” It’s taken on a life of it’s own, and it ISN’T necessary.
If you want to have a big expensive wedding and you have the money for it, hey, go forit already. But please, DON’T think that it is a necessity to do so. I’ve seen so many movies and heard of so many couples that stress themselves to the max over details…details…details, spending a year or more working on it, and for what? For an impressive event that costs more than the down payment on a house.
I’m really thinking of becoming a “moderate wedding” planner and seeing if I can get some business. I have some great ideas. Here are the important things that you have to decide:
1. The marriage is more important than the reception, so you should be working on your relationship, not driving each other crazy trying to have a perfect occasion and impress someone.
2. You can be happier with fewer choices if you make up your mind to do so. Seriously, most of the plans could be made in a week, with a lot of it being done on the last day. Just think: no spending evenings looking thru guides and trying to make decisions. You could be happier because you are happy that you didn’t drive yourselves and everyone else crazy while planning.
3. It’s important to have the people you love and who have loved you BE THERE, so none of this destination stuff.
More later….
I love seeing all the azaleas as I ride to work and home each day. There’s one street where the owners have planted fuchsia, then white, then lavender, then repeat, then repeat. It’s so beautiful, I’d just like to stop and stare at them for awhile.
I am not much of a gardener, but a few years ago I planted a small lilac bush and this year it is humongous and it had hundreds of blooms on it! What a delight! Since I am gone most of the day, I took a fistful into work with me and put them on the file cabinet next to my desk so that I could enjoy them longer. I wish that my lilacs and my flowering plum tree would bloom all summer long, and the azaleas too.
Next up are all the daylilies, including the special white ones that my dad gave to me. They too will have their week or two and then end. After that, it’s pretty much just greenery in my front garden unless I put in some red geraniums or something.
Winter has it’s whited-branch beauty, but there’s nothing like Spring. Maybe because it’s like the “ahhhhhhhhh” at the end of a dental appointment, when I know I’ve survived another one and easier times are up ahead.
I wrote this poem some years back for my Mom. It’s not your usual kind of Mother’s Day poem, but I composed it with tears in my eyes and a good friend cried when she read it right afterwards. It still says a lot. Mom, to you I dedicate it again: I’m SO glad you’re still around.
Now that I know what it’s like
by Sharon L. Bratcher
Now that I know what it’s like:
…to be worried out of my mind about money
…to be scared to death that a child might die
…to be furious with my husband
…to endure pain or fatigue and yet do daily chores
…to feel totally overwhelmed by responsibilities
…to be misunderstood and/or disliked by people I care about
…to suffer deep regret over mistakes
…and to feel remorse and humility over sins;
Now that I know what it’s like:
…to feel truly unhappy, and yet, by God’s grace, press on;
And now that I know that not everyone endures,
ONE result is that I find myself really appreciating the fact that YOU did,
and that your love for me was one of the reasons.
#5 You’re a mother but your kids ignore Mother’s Day and even though you know it’s commercial and somewhat cheesy, you can’t ignore the fact that you want to hear from them, get a card or a little gift, and FEEL loved that day. Everyone wants to feel appreciated and when they don’t bother, it hurts. Tends to kill the joy of the whole week beforehand just experiencing the anxiety of “maybe…maybe not” also.
#4 You have a mother who is not the greatest. You go to the store and read all those superlative cards and try to find one that doesn’t say, “Mom! You are the most amazing saint that ever walked on the earth and I, clod of earth that I am, am so desperately thankful to have even been able to live in the same house as you did!” You’re looking for one that’s more like, “Hey, Happy Mother’s Day – hope it’s sunny and bright and you have a nice time.”
#3 You are single or else married and a non-mother by choice, and all the hoopla around you tends to leave you cold. And if you go to a church where they give an award for the mom with the whatever and the same ladies get it every year, you get tired of it all.
#2 You lost your mother, and all this day does is remind you of your grief. Enough said.
#1 You want to be a mother, but you cannot. The pain of this day sticks like a knife and you’d just as soon fast forward ahead to Monday and get on with your life.
Let’s keep some perspective this year, and remember all those who like Mother’s Day about as much as they enjoy a migraine.
one more to go….
My husband and I laugh and scoff at all those articles about how much it costs to raise a child. What a pile of baloney! Back when we were having our kids I think the going rate was $100,000 to raise a child. Dennis always commented: “you don’t have to write a check the first day.” It’s all a part of the new thought that denounces the worth of children and promotes the value of “stuff.”
You don’t need “stuff” to give you thrills when you have a little person to smile at you. You don’t need a fancy dinner out in a high class restaurant when your 2 year old will help you go through the “gidgy-water” to find something tasty to eat. You don’t even need TV or video games or trips to the movies if you have a public library and a couple of little rug rats to curl up in your lap and listen to “Maple Hill Farm” or “Little House on the Prairie.”
Why do people focus so much on the diapers and the diarrhea? Yeah, they exist. They happen. So what? If you were in the hospital and a gentle nurse took care of these needs when YOU were ill, you’d think she had really done a great job. But when a parent gets a chance to show love this way, it’s “ewwww…..”
Society encourages us to be spoiled, to want our own way, and to strive hard to get it. It doesn’t promote giving and loving unless there’s something in it for the doer – like, you don’t go to a soup kitchen and ladle soup just because you care or it’s the right thing to do: you do it because it makes you feel good about yourself. Whoopee.
Anyway, I spent $100 in cash that was a gift from my students, when our first child was born. I bought a used crib for $30, lots of cloth diapers for $30, a playpen for $5, a couple sets of crib sheets for $6, and just about everything else I needed. Now, on Oprah, outfitting a baby would have cost thousands. But you know what? You don’t NEED a lot of fancy “stuff” in order to be happy. You need adequate food and housing, and a way to perk yourself up now and again, which doesn’t have to cost money.
more later…
Cheryl and I became great friends back when I had two children and she had one and we headed up to Green Lane to go swimming together in her 5 passenger car. Fast forward about 12 years, and the two of us packed 11 kids into a 12 passenger van (ok, so we double seat-belted two of them) and went to the $1.50 Village movie theater over in Hatboro together. When we went to the park, we were sometimes asked if we were a day care center.
One woman came up to me at the marvelous park down on Germantown Pike and Joshua Rd and said, “I’ve never even met anyone that had five children!” (This was before Amy came along.) People with smaller families couldn’t imagine how we could possibly manage with more.
Well, first of all, I’d tell them that we were creating more taxpayers so that there would be sufficient support when we all get older. Then I’d tell them that it all comes down to discipline in the home, because when you have a bunch, you have to have discipline or you would go crazy.
Here’s the thing that bothers me: movies like the newer “Cheaper by the Dozen” with Steve Martin, show a family where the kids run rampant and do crazy things and constantly get into trouble and the parents just kind of….expect it. That’s preposterous! I know lots of families with 6, 7, 8, 9, or even 10 children, and they are the most organized and efficient and disciplined families that I know. Oh, sure, the kids still squabble and disobey and try to get out of chores and do what kids always do (adults too, for that matter.) But I’ve seen worse behavior in smaller families because there often doesn’t seem to be an understanding of how to do it, or a knowledge that one can make one’s child behave (in most circumstances – some kids do defy reasoning.) You have to have rules, and you have to watch the younger kids closely, even if it means painting a circle on the basement floor so that the toddlers can ride their little trikes around while you hang the laundry down there, or having your twin 2 and a half year olds help with the dishes by putting them into the water or taking them out of the sink. You have to “materially participate” as they say on the tax forms.
Yeah, it’s a lot of work. But so rewarding.
More to come….
Back in the day, it took about three days to get the results of a pregnancy test. I don’t think they had the drug store kind available back then. I didn’t tell my husband that I had gone to the doctor because I wanted to surprise him. And so, for three days my brain was a daisy: am I? am I not? I reviewed the evidence but didn’t trust that I wasn’t imagining at least part of it.
I was at work when the news came: “the test is positive.” I said, “so that means I am pregnant?” “Yes. is this good news?” Well, yes! I wasn’t then thinking about all the people who might not like to get that news – I was ecstatic! I called my husband and suggested that we go to dinner that evening just for a treat, and he agreed. I stopped at the Hallmark store on the way. When we went to the table, I asked him to take my winter coat and hang it up for me, and he left to do so. When he returned, there was a little statue on his plate that said, “Anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a daddy.” He looked at it and asked, “is this supposed to mean something?” 🙂
Life changed. It was such an incredible idea to realize that there was an eternal soul growing inside of my body. A person. What a miracle! What a responsibility! I began eating vegetables regularly as well as taking prenatal vitamins. For the rest of my life, my actions wouldn’t just affect me, but my child as well.
When we brought that little light blue bundle home, we took a step that taught us more about true love than we could ever have imagined: both the joy and delight and the utter sacrifice and responsibility as well.
And it was entirely worth it.
more to come….
sharoncopydotcom 