This is a poem for two people who lost their spouses and then found one another. It was originally written for Esther and Charley Perry.
Love Once Again
By Sharon L. Bratcher, 1994
I once knew love- it flourished so:
For years and years that love did grow.
So deep, so much a part of me.
Our souls, entwined devotedly.
O hateful death to rob me so!
The dark abyss of grief to know.
And endless days to face alone.
My future’s song to onward drone.
New Love! You understood this too.
Now each hour’s joy is traced to you.
Together we now grow as one
And celebrate new lives begun.
Overheard on a tram at DisneyWorld:
“You’d better stop crying. This is DisneyWorld and there’s no crying allowed in DisneyWorld, so if you cry they’re going to kick us out of the park.”
Why do kids cry when they are out in public? Sometimes they are just overwhelmed. There is too much stimulation and they cannot handle it anymore. They are tired. I’ve seen parents scream at kids out shopping at 11 pm. I’ve seen dad and mom and two kids all grumping thru Kohl’s, when it’s obvious that only mom wants to be there – folks, shopping is NOT a family activity, ok? Go alone whenever possible. Dad doesn’t want to be there either most of the time. Or get a sitter or a friend for an hour or two and go without them. Or maybe – just don’t buy anything right now?
Sometimes they are hungry or thirsty. Carry food and water with you ALL the time – you’re a parent, and it’s not that hard to do. Water – not juice, and not Kool-aid. That way you can also use it to wash off scrapes or sticky fingers.
I was at a restaurant in Louisiana a few years back, at about 10:30 pm. I went to the car to get something and a man was yelling at his approximately 3 year old daughter to stop crying. It was so hard not to intervene in someone else’s business. Had he started hitting her, I might have. But I wanted to say, “Sir, why are you taxing this little one’s strength for your own social purposes?”
Yelling at someone to stop crying is counter-productive, by the way. “A soft answer turns away wrath” the book of Proverbs says http://bible.cc/proverbs/15-1.htm. That’s true with kids too.
And by the way, I didn’t always do it right either. 😦
Overheard on a tram at DisneyWorld:
“You’d better stop crying. This is DisneyWorld and there’s no crying allowed in DisneyWorld, so if you cry they’re going to kick us out of the park.”
Yeah, lying is the way to go.
Why do kids (this one maybe 5 years old) cry out in public anyway? There are several reasons:
1. They want something and cannot have it and so they pitch a fit.
This is what most people think is happening all the time, whether it is the case or not. If it is the case, then let’s say first of all that some prep work would have helped. Kids need to know what is expected – we’re the ones with the experience, remember? So many times parents don’t really explain it beforehand. For instance: let’s say I’m about to take my kids to the store with me and they are between 3 and 8 years of age. We role play ahead of time as silly as possible: “and what do we do when we see some candy bars we want? we say (in whiney voice) ‘I want a candy bar right now!” My silliness has now made the children laugh, but also showed them what type of behavior we will not have in the store. Or maybe I’ll say, “we’ll run thru the store as fast as we can knocking down all the cans and toys and bumping into all the old ladies so they fall over’. By now the kids are saying, “No, Mommy!” After a few bad examples, we briefly talk about how we should behave and why. Not as “you better not do such and such or I’ll…….” Instead, it’s more like, “everyone stay close to me so you won’t get lost, and we won’t run because we might accidentally knock something or someone over.”
There were times when I had to spend a little longer examining items to be purchased, comparing prices, etc. At moments like that I lined them all up over to the side and had them sit still. If it was going to be more than a minute, then I pulled a few small books out of my purse to help them behave.
Kids don’t do what you expect – they do what you inspect, so you have to keep them close, watch them every moment, plan for delays and not expect them to have more patience than you even do. Now…let’s talk about fatigue.
more coming.
A young mom talking to her co-worker at Target:
“He keeps hitting Steven all the time. So the next time he punches Steven in the face, I’m gonna say, “Robert, next time you punch Steven in the face, I’m going to punch YOU in the face. (pause) Of course, you can’t really punch a 4 year old in the face, so I never would.”
Empty threats – that’s what they are called. There are differences of opinion regarding how we all discipline our children, but here’s a couple of tried and tested truths:
1. Don’t make a threat that you cannot carry through on – ever. Your kids are smart and they will know you don’t mean it so it won’t make a bit of difference.
2. Plan your system of discipline ahead of time so that you know what you are going to do when kids behave badly, because, guess what, they are sinners and they will behave badly. It’s your job to teach them to behave well, so you need a plan, and a part 2 of the plan and eventually you might even need a part three. Don’t be surprised by it. Don’t be angry about it – it has nothing to do with you – it’s how they are and God has called you to teach them what is right. It needs to be something that they won’t like, that stops the problem, and afterwards you need to talk with them, get an apology and forgive them and move on, not bringing it up again.
In Target, today:
“My little girl is making out like a bandit tomorrow. I got her a Cabbage Patch Doll, a Barbie, a DVD, and since I got it all on sale here at Target, it only cost me about $40 – that’s not bad.”
I’ve been ignoring the Mr. Bunny for so long that I missed the news report that said he had merged with Mr. Claus. When I was growing up we colored some eggs and our parents hid them and we got a basket that had a big (as in about 4-5″) chocolate rabbit and some chocolate eggs and jelly beans, which I usually gave to my siblings because I never really liked them.
When I grew up, I came to believe that focusing on Jesus’ Resurrection and His sacrifice for us was so important that we ought not cheapen (or in this case “cheep-en”) it with silly stuff. “It’s for the kids,” people said.
“That’s right,” I agreed, and continued to teach “the kids” what was important. We can have fun every day of the year. We feasted on birthdays and had treasure hunts and parties with friends on many occasions – just – not on this one.
I just discovered this song by “Casting Crowns” called “Who Am I? – it says so much: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VU_rTX23V7Q
Blessed Resurrection Day to you.
Our five kids wanted to have a discussion about what to get me for Mother’s Day, so I went upstairs and (supposedly) closed the bedroom door. I’m sorry, but I just was too curious and wondered what they would say. Kevin was about 5 which means that Brian and Tim were about 6.5 and Julie would have been 8.5 and David would have been about 10. My husband Dennis was there in case a moderator (or referee) was needed.
A few suggestions were made, and the older ones had a good idea of how much could be purchased with the small amount of money there was to spend. The usual sorts of suggestions came up and there was laughter and discussion. Somewhere along the way, though, young Kevin expressed his desire that they buy me a “rosy sparkly dress.”
Older siblings being how they are, this suggestion was met with derision and outright mocking, as Kevin continued to hold his ground and insist that nothing else would do for Mommy but a “rosy sparkly dress.” (I’m not sure what gave him the idea.) One comment led to another until Kevin was in tears and he left the group to find solace upstairs with Mommy.
He wasn’t aware enough to realize that my knowledge of the situation obviously meant that I had been listening, but at that point he wouldn’t have cared anyway. I hugged him hard for his loving desire to get me “something better than all of their ideas” (as he stated it) and wiped his tears away.
I could end the story there, but it did end with a funny remark. As I explained to Kevin that we didn’t have the money right then to get a “rosy sparkly dress,” he looked at me with shock. “Yes you do!” he exclaimed. “You can get it out of the MAC machine!” (ATM)
I have an image in my head of joining hands with our children David and Julie and my husband Dennis and walking around in a circle in our living room singing a song. I am guessing that Julie was about 4 or 5, maybe. I looked down at her smiling face and she looked up at me with such an amazingly open and joyous look of absolute love. I felt humble, and I wondered if I could ever be a good enough Mommy to deserve the love that she directed towards me.
I sure tried.
My friend just told me a story about her granddaughter who is about 18 months old. The girl’s mother was rather overwhelmed and upset about her upcoming move (who wouldn’t be!) and the little one noticed. She went to her mother, gave her a hug and patted her on the back. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
It took me back quickly to my “little Amy.” I was in our bedroom on the telephone discussing a very disturbing situation and I was crying. Amy was about 20 months old, I’ll guess, and she was in the bedroom with me because I had to keep an eye on her. She didn’t cry, and she didn’t say a word. She went to the dresser and got the box of Kleenex and brought it to the bed. Then she climbed up onto the bed and brought a Kleenex over in her little hand and proceeded to hug me and try to wipe my tears. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
If there ever was a person who could cheer me up immediately, it was Amy on that day, and my other children on other occasions.
It’s not a one-way street, you know. So often the media speak of children as though they are only a burden, a force to reckon with, a pile of stinking, whining glop. But that is SO far from the truth. They give back all the time, nearly every day, in every way that they are able; and those ways increase as they grow (ok, with the possible exception of approximately ages 13-23 or so. But I digress….)
Somehow the days flew past and I didn’t realize that I haven’t been blogging.
I’m going to blame it on Facebook. Facebook has become my new social life. It has taken the place of nearly all of my emailing, a lot of my reading time, and unfortunately, I’ll be really honest here: prayer time as well.
Facebook has kept me from putting away laundry and from chatting with family members. It has lured me into taking longer lunch breaks at work, thus diminishing my paycheck as an extra quarter hour zips past as I chat with someone in MI who just came online.
On the other hand, through Facebook, I have had some really deep conversations with people in MI and AR and even in Nigeria. I’ve settled a problem with offspring who were better able to express emotions this way than face to face. I’ve been encouraged by the daily postings of a pastor in MI and a friend in the UK and a number of other Christian friends who quoted Bible verses that really encouraged me. I’m organizing a high school reunion in June by posting on the school’s page and asking my few contacts to tell their contacts to tell their contacts who will tell their contacts. I am discussing old times with dear old friends (there must be a better adjective than “old” here….) which has assisted me in better understanding myself.
So, all things in balance. I should probably put away some laundry but come to think of it, I’ve been praying for many of these people as I’ve been on Facebook.
I think there is an awful lot of time and money wasted campaigning. So here’s my thought:
NOBODY should be allowed to campaign at ALL until six weeks before the election. Period. Forget the individual state caucases and have the primaries all on the same day. Stop zipping all over the country trying to impress people by showing up and eating an ice cream cone and trying hard to say what that group wants to hear.
Instead – everyone just do your current job instead. And then, in April, and again in September, campaign from your home state via television ads and print media. Have a few debates, and let the people decide. Most people either make up their minds at the outset or in the last week anyway, so having that many months is useless.
And, it’s so boring. I no longer have a television so I won’t be subjected to the endless ads, but my mailbox will be full. I think this year I will keep them all and perhaps tape them all together just to see how big of a “quilt” I get from it. Then I’ll write it up and maybe get it in the news. “Average household averages 1,000 pieces of useless election mail.”
I care about the issues. I just want to know where each person stands on the issues and then I’ll make my decision.
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