“The Chamber of No Return”

“The Legend of the Clothes Chute”  (or “The Chamber of No Return”)

by Sharon Lynn Osborne Bratcher, 7-24-73

“Tis a cold and dark and lonesome place, although it’s often filled

With remnants of our memories, with good things that have spilled

Out upon these remnants, making them e’en more a curious lot;

And the legend that goes with this curious place itself can ne’er be forgot.

‘Twas a Sunday Eve when I came home late, and entering near to its door,

I sent a garment of heartfelt worth plunging down into its core.

‘Twas a Saturday noon and a month gone by when the strangest fact I learned:

The garment I so lovingly put in somehow had never returned!

On a Monday morning I rushed about, and straightened my brother’s room.

All I gathered there I took to the place, and threw down in its chamber of gloom.

On Friday morning I heard his voice thunder out in rage and in fear!

For the socks and the shirts and everything else had somehow disappeared.

‘Twas then we decided to start a search, and we looked for the clothes everywhere;

From top floor to basement and even the garage, but they were to be found nowhere.

So we gave up our quest, and did without, but we trembled each time we neared

That treacherous and embezzling place, that mysterious chamber we feared!

Then suddenly, after months had passed, my beloved garment which had fled

Was back! And his clothes showed up too (in weird places, like under the bed.)

Our confidence began to return, and we agreed no longer to deplore

This mysterious “chamber of no return;” And then – it happened once more!

Yes, ’tis a cold and dark and lonesome place though filled with precious stuff;

And the legend that goes with it is mystifying enough.

‘Tis a crazy tale, but if you look hard there may be some lessons to learn.

‘Til then, be cautious – even more – BEWARE! Of the “Chamber of No Return.”