“I don’t want to be a burden” – Marie

We had two old neighbors. He was the typical grumpy old codger and she was the typical sweet lady. I guess they were around 80 years old. Harry died, and Marie was left there in the home where they had raised their son and daughter. She didn’t want to leave. She got a bit more frail, and they worried about her. Her son lived in Connecticut and he wanted her to come and live with him and his family. “Oh, I don’t want to be a burden,” she said, and insisted on living right there in Olney on 4th Street near Grange.

Her daughter worried after she took a fall and they made her get one of those gadgets to carry with her at all times so that she would be able to call for help. Her daughter lived in Virginia and wanted her to come and live with her and her family. “Oh, I don’t want to be a burden,” Marie said.

Well, Marie, you were MORE of a burden by insisting on staying in your own home than you could ever have been staying at either of their homes. Your son had to drive down to see you once a week to help you out, and your daughter had to drive up to see you once a week. Both of them worried constantly about you and called a couple of times a day. I know that you loved your home and your memories and your independence – that’s probably really what you meant.

But if you REALLY didn’t want to be a burden, you should have moved in with one of them. Memories can be attached to items and photos and new experiences with your children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren. They could have all known you in your last years, and they would have cared more than the neighbors did. Instead, you ended up in an old folks home after you broke your hip – your kids put you there because you refused to move north or south, and so you lived there in Philadelphia instead while they cleared out your stuff and sold the house and told you that you couldn’t go back there and live alone anymore.

You shouldn’t have been so stubborn, Marie. You made yourself more of a burden than was necessary.

Next time: Mary S.