I always reflect during this week and think about what the past year has been like. It always seems to go by so quickly and months, in particular, startle me with their speed. Days and weeks, not so much, for some reason.
I don’t make resolutions just for the fun of it, but I do “take stock.”
First of all, it’s a general summary of what took place around when, which oftens leads to a letter that gets distributed via email to most, and by mail to the last couple of people out there who haven’t gone online (you know who you are, Barbara!) Next it’s a time of thanksgiving as I thank God for the joys and wonders and for the strength and wisdom to get through the scrapes and the bad times. Following that comes an analysis of what went well and what didn’t and what could possibly be changed.
Sometimes the changes are significant. Sometimes they aren’t really new. I once went back and read some letters that I wrote to a friend back during my college years and found it interesting to note that my goals and struggles in life had really not changed, although I’m sure that in many ways I have.
Changing. Yes, I want to lose weight. I managed to lose 18 and keep off 15 and I choose to feel good about that instead of kicking myself for not losing more. It occurs to me that maybe I could just set a goal of losing 15 lbs each year – in 2 or 3 years I’d be doing better than now, right?
I want to control my tongue. On this I know I have improved compared to when I was in my 20’s and 30’s and even my 40’s. Eventually I learned that very few people want to listen to all the things that I would like to say, so l) I began stopping in mid-sentence when I saw their eyes glaze over and if they didn’t notice, I knew it was past time to be quiet. 2) I also learned that when I do all the talking I don’t learn anything new and I love to learn. When I listen I learn about the other person and show interest in her life, and I really am interested in details. 3) Another test I’ve given myself is this: when I come home from church and I can remember the story I told or the subject I discussed but I can’t remember who the discussion was with, I know that I wasn’t really having a dialogue then either. (Ouch!) As I said, I have improved, but I still have a long way to go.
Regarding conversation, it’s not so much a resolution as a continued gradual learning to be more aware. Participating in Toastmasters has helped me to learn to speak carefully and judiciously, and not be afraid of a pause. Recently when I was asked a difficult question that took me by surprise I said nothing for perhaps a minute. It was clear that I was carefully deciding how to answer, and I was glad that I pondered first.
More later…
I had the opportunity to do a Focus Point type of opinion poll where one gets paid anywhere from $3 to $200, depending on length of time, to go there and participate by giving one’s opinion. I like being paid for my opinion. 🙂 It’s fun and lucrative.
I’ve done a few of them: cereal boxes, medicine ads, tasting possible new Oreos and being on a mock jury for about 5 hours. My husband got to test several new options for Burger King Whoppers once. You should look into it sometime.
So, this was a one-on-one where the leader sat with me at a table showing me possible commercials to be used for Hatfield Quality Meats, while a team watched us through a one-way mirror. She showed me a family of four playing outside their home and grilling pork products and having a picnic. I answered a lot of “impression” type questions. But what I most remember was their “holiday” ad and no doubt the team remembers my experience to this day. Bear in mind that my son David had been stationed in Guam with the Navy and I hadn’t seen him in over two years.
There was a large family gathering of 15-20 people. Everyone was scurrying around (in the space of less than 60 seconds) happily bringing all of the foods to the table. Cute kids and grandparents smiled at moms and dads, and I was thinking, “Yes, I like watching this commercial.” On the table was a huge ham, and something with bacon and some side dish that obviously had pork loin slices. There was no dialogue, just music and the ad about Hatfield Quality Meats. Everything looked delicious! They all sat down at the table to start and there was a tiny pause where all heads turned, indicating that the doorbell had rung. The mother walked to the door and standing outside was her daughter in military uniform. They embraced, camera on the tears streaming down the mother’s surprised face, and the commercial faded out.
Well, I wept. I just put my face in my hands and wept and wept, and couldn’t even speak for several minutes. I can imagine that the team behind the window was grinning and high-fiving each other, “Yep, we got a winner!”
When I was finally able to speak, I said, “If I thought that serving some Hatfield products would bring my son home for the holidays, I’d head for the store right now.”
Sniff.
Ouch. It’s hard to look at all the happy smiles on television that make it look like troubles should disappear because Christmastime is here. It’s hard to answer the questions: “how was your Christmas?” Or “what did you get for Christmas?” We feel like we are supposed to “work it up” even if the sentiment’s not there.
What if we asked really tough questions, instead, like, “Were you missing someone at your table this Christmas?”
Let’s think about the possible answers to that one. I’m going to change the names, but these are all people whom I know and am praying for today:
Sally just lost a husband, and Yvonna’s son committed suicide a few months ago. Cal’s son isn’t speaking to them and refuses to come over, and Sherree still hasn’t seen her daughter’s new baby who is several months old. Bernie’s kids had a falling out and don’t like to be in the same room together, and Tyrone’s mom just passed away. Katie hasn’t seen her military son in over two years.
All of this reminds me of a couple of things: you don’t know what the person next to you is going thru, so be kind. My dad was a cop and he said that the two busiest domestic disturbance days were Mother’s Day and Christmas (he described a Christmas tree pushed through a television set, once.) We continue to push each others’ buttons, sometimes without realizing it.
All this is to say, have a blessed Christmas: be thankful for who and what you have been blessed with and pray for those who are having a tough time today.
One more thing about the military son….
If a group of ladies spend Christmas in the kitchen together with a lot of camaraderie and joy, that’s fine. If they love to cook and take delight in creating a delicious masterpiece and the waiting guests applaud and approve with great smiles, then it was worth it.
But if the grandkids are over and all of grandmother’s time is spent in the kitchen instead of playing with them, then maybe some changes ought to be made. If everyone gravitates towards visiting in the living room except for the chef and whoever got grabbed, then it’s time to keep the menu simple.
Tables can be set ahead of time, and plasticware can alleviate a lot of the work. Dishes can be done after the guests leave, unless they are staying for a few hours and don’t mind lending a hand.
The biggest difference lies in what you serve. You can choose menu items that do not require a lot of last minute preparation, and do a lot of the work ahead of time. Doing things beforehand leaves you free to hug the grandkids and/or talk with everyone also and not feel left out of it all. For instance: meat/mashed potatoes/gravy/veggie dinner: You can cook the meat a bit ahead of time, get it sliced, make the gravy, make the mashed potatoes, and then when the guests are there, you need only to heat it all up and set it all on. It tastes just as good. Desserts can all be made ahead unless they are sundaes, and even then, I’ve known hostesses who pre-scooped the ice cream balls so that they could just spear them out at serving time, saving lots of last minute effort.
You’re also more likely to get your kids to help if they don’t already have their cousins or friends or grandparents over. Same thought for your husband.
Another thought: variety is what makes the meal grand, and variety can be achieved easily: applesauce in a bowl, jello made earlier or the day before, a pickle tray, cottage cheese with fruit (I like it with mandarin oranges lately!) or cherry tomatoes.
The key is to think about it and plan to be in the kitchen as little as possible. Even when cooking pasta one can turn it on and then go in and out a couple of times, using a timer as a reminder. When it’s done, dinner is done.
Unless the kitchen is “where it’s at” for your party. It never has been for me.
….and some finally shopped.
Hey, why waste time looking when you can just make one quick swoop into the store and grab it all? I have a co-worker with that philosophy and I talked to a store associate who said the same thing, today. Both are men.
I expect that women also shop on the last day, but it won’t be the first time out for us if we do. Women have to shop earlier because we are expected to do more of the buying. We also do most of the planning and most of the cooking, decorating, and wrapping. I think that there are some men who do not realize how much time goes into each one of these activities. They nail up a couple of lights, have a beer and then wait till Dec. 24 to buy the 2 gifts they are required to buy. “What’s the big deal?” they ask.
But they enjoy the hospitality and the get-togethers. They certainly enjoy the cookies and the food and whether they think about it or not, they enjoy the ambience of the music and the clean, decorated home. They enjoy when it’s not frustrating to get to the table and the chairs, which means that someone put time into thinking through how many people were coming and where everyone would eat. (Now, don’t leave yet – you’ll be surprised where this is going.)
To those who don’t “do” it, which includes all of us when we were children as well, it all, well, happens. Not magically, but still, it happens.
It’s likely that if the men knew how many hours of work went into everything, a number of things would be cut back. They’d throw on a hunk of meat and baked potatoes and eat ice cream out of regular bowls, squirted lavishly with whipped cream and washed down with a brew. They’d call some friends (or their brother) and say, “come on over tonight or tomorrow night” and they’d hand their buddy a new tool if they felt like it. No sweat.
Now, you thought I was going to complain that women were doing most of the work. But to some degree at least, we are doing all of the “make work” that we decided was part of the holidays, that we think is necessary to make it nicer, even though some women frazzle themselves past liking more than about 3 hours of Christmas when all is said and done because they are busy busy busy and tired of it.
I wonder how “Christmas” would change if we left the men in charge? The big question is: would we really “miss” anything or would we end up more relaxed? Comments?
All of the news is talking about how much people are or are not spending. It seems to be a good trend and an anti-depression signal if people are blowing cash. One comment said that the sale of electronics was up over the weekend but the proceeds at restaurants were down. Aw, imagine that: people actually ate at home before they went to Best Buy! Don’t they realize that means that the sale of groceries would be up? And if the store sales go down, it should mean that the sale of electricity and gas is up because if people are at home they are using it more. It is a product, after all.
Maybe if people bought less stuff because they were actually saving money that could be measured too. Saving money could mean a good thing for the economy – it might mean fewer people going bankrupt or losing their homes and needing government aid to live. It might mean that people save up enough to buy one of those shiny new cars (or at least make a good downpayment) or to afford the downpayment on one of the homes that isn’t selling.
Sometimes it’s hard to realize it, but pennies add up to dollars and dollars to hundreds. Making a sandwich at home for .50 cents saves the extra $4.50 for having the girl at the store make it for you, and while it might feel convenient, it probably takes less time to make it at home and is therefore more convenient. Same with coffee.
But hey, it’s fun to be waited on, isn’t it? I enjoy it. There’s a sense of freedom to running out the door at the last minute and stopping for a bacon-egg-cheese-croissant and OJ just because I can. But if I was thinking straight, I would realize that I just spent 30 minutes’ wages for something I could make at home in five. Even counting buying it ahead of time (which is really the problem) I’d come out ahead.
2012: has to be a time to get rid of “stuff” and buy less “stuff” and pay more on the “stuff” we’ve already accumulated and not paid for yet. Sigh.
“He comes to make His blessings flow far as the curse is found.”
“Oh come thou Rod of Jesse free thine own from Satan’s tyranny”
“Christ our God to earth descendeth our full homage to demand.”
“Tell her that her sins I cover, and her warfare now is over.”
“And you, beneath life’s crushing load, whose forms are bending low, who toil along the climbing way with painful steps and slow, look now! for glad and golden hours come swiftly on the wing; O rest beside the weary road and hear the angels sing.”
“So God imparts to human hearts the blessings of His heaven.”
“Light and life to all He brings.”
“So, most gracious Lord, may we evermore be led to Thee.”
See the point? 🙂
There are a lot of good sentiments in the Christmas carols:
“Haste, haste, to bring Him laud, the babe, the son of Mary.” (guess the carol)
In other words, hurry to bring praise and adoration to Jesus Christ who has come to earth in order to save our wretched souls! A worthwhile activity!
“O Come let us adore Him, Christ the Lord!” – there it is again.
“Come to earth to taste our sadness, he whose glories knew no end; by his life he brings us gladness, our Redeemer, Shepherd, Friend.”
more to come….
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sq7Rw03yhl4&feature=related (great voice and sound, cheesy video)
I love the words to this song.
I heard the bells on Christmas day
Their old familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet the words repeat
Of peace on earth, good will to men.
And thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along the unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.
Till ringing, singing on its way
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime, a chant sublime
Of peace on earth, good will to men.
And in despair I bowed my head
“There is no peace on earth,” I said,
“For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.”
Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
“God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail
With peace on earth, good will to men.”
From the internet I learned this next part:
Historical Note: This hymn was written during the American civil war, as reflected by the sense of despair in the next to last stanza. Stanzas 4-5 speak of the battle, and are usually omitted from hymnals:
Then from each black, accursed mouth
The cannon thundered in the South,
And with the sound the carols drowned
Of peace on earth, good will to men.
It was as if an earthquake rent
The hearth-stones of a continent,
And made forlorn, the households born
Of peace on earth, good will to men.
Christmas is coming! My wallet is not fat.
Please, to put a twenty in my favorite hat.
If you’ve got no twenty, a five or ten will do.
If you’ve got no five or ten, then I’ll take two.
🙂
sharoncopydotcom 